Party Etiquette 101: Giving and Un-Giving Party Gifts
Hi Penelope-
I’m hoping to get your opinion on a party etiquette question. I recently attended a friend’s bridal shower and brought about 100 of my gooey chocolate chip cookies that I had stayed up late the night before to make. The other party guests were all on various diets and didn’t touch my cookies, so at the end of the shower I mentioned something to the host about taking them home. She looked at me like I had offered to kill her 5 year-old daughter. Is it really so wrong to take something you brought back, if no one appreciated it?
Mary
Dallas, TX
Dear Mary,
I know it’s frustrating to put effort into a party gift, only to have it ignored or overshadowed by someone else’s offering. Unfortunately, it really is a party faux pas to take back a gift at the end of the party, no matter how it has been received by the partygoers. If a host mentions something to you after a party about how much food is left over and makes it clear that you taking your party food off her hands would help, then by all means, take it back. In your case, on the other hand, you’re stuck in the rather uncomfortable position of feeling snubbed by the lack of interest in your cookies, but risking appearing bratty if you un-give.
Sure, the other guests may have been on diets. But I bet they were all eyeing your cookies hungrily and trying to quiet their rumbling stomachs with another sip of Diet Coke. The reasoning behind their apparent gift snobbery may be as simple as the guests wanting desperately to devour every last morsel of your gooey gift, but feeling unable to do so in support of a dieting bride-to-be or because of a tight-ish bridesmaid dress. Of course, you have every right to go away from a situation like that feeling hurt or angry, but leave the gift. Wipe your hands of the gift and the food snub and remember, you can always send me 100 homemade gooey chocolate chip cookies.
Enjoy Planning.
Penelope
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